mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what day is it and did you see me today?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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