and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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