Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
