Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When are your genitals available?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize