i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
