I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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