Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
