I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
