dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
