I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's how pantless uber rides happen
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
