He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The best revenge is premature balding
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
