Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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