if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
