i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
