Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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