I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
