Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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