so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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