It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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