he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize