While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
