the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
