Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
