I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
