Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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