i just google imaged poop.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
