That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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