eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
