I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
