I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
