Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
