were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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