IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
being pregnant is like rehab
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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