I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
