And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
