please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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