Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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