i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
