Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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