what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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