One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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