that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
