Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize