i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
