sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
