I haven't been this sober since birth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
