You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
