The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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