worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
