there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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