he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
