somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize