p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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