so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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