only if we run a train.
done.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
