No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think people are normalizing furries
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
