Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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