We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
