they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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