Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
