You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
