I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
