Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
