I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
