I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
