My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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