Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
