Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
