:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
