I think my vagina is haunted
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
