how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Acid is not a monday night drug
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
