I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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