i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
