does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
