careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize