Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i think i just lost a toe
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
