My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
