She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
