i would punch a child for taco bell
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your cock deserves a montage
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
