matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im part way to drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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