3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize