I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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