Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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