like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
