I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Even my vagina gasped.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
