There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
