yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
