When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
