Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize