i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
