I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize