College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
