Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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