all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
