We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
