Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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