Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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