Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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