my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
