so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
