everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
