Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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