i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
