do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
